notes-on-becoming.com

Human beings are engaged, throughout their entire existence, in a continuous process of change. This certainty has a dual nature, encompassing both the external world and inner evolution. Ex­ternally, change involves respecting the customs of society, moving through the natural stages of life, and transitioning in status, ultimately leading to the attainment of socially imposed standards. Yet, because of life’s dynamic nature — and, in today’s society, the countless distractions that accompany it — we often forget what truly matters. We spend our lives chasing something we are not even sure represents us; perhaps we were simply taught that it does.

We lose ourselves in superficiality, becoming blind to our authentic selves. We unconsciously deny our own nature and thus contribute to enforcing the norms of the age. Assigning blame no longer matters; how we have declined as a humanity is simply sad and troubling, especially since the solution seems too distant to reach.

As an adolescent, I admit that, particularly at the beginning of adult life, one often feels adrift. You question your abilities, anxiety takes hold, and without a solid foundation, it is easy to lose yourself. Personally, and with humility, I believe my foundation was built — yet the road still leads to the same place, making me realize that the human being is subject to metamorphosis. We owe ourselves our own evolution — not necessarily the external kind, but ideally the inner one.

Inner evolution, the discovery of the authentic self, can be a painful process marked by guilt, doubt, and fear. Changing ideals that once seemed to define you, moving from prosaic thinking to complex reflection, developing the ability to think about your own thinking, and even emotional stress — these may all be signs of growth.

Recently, I found myself in precisely this position, compelled to question my existence and the path I wish to follow in life. Like most people, I had lived within a deceptive truth. I felt stable because I did not know what was happening within me. The state of my being could not endure because I could not name it; yet as I immersed myself in understanding my own life, something shifted. The necessity for evolution was activated (that inner change I spoke of at the beginning).

This need, which now dominates your life and stops you from searching for empty forms, arrives accompanied by emotional stress, tears, and uncertainty — signs of integration, proof that you are nearing the discovery of truth about yourself and, ultimately, tools of transformation.

My analytical nature urged me to seek an explanation. Why is this emotional pain necessary in order to transcend oneself? The theory of positive disintegration, introduced by psychiatrist Kazimir Dabrowski, claims  that personality development requires emotional crises and the disintegration of existing psychological structures in order to evolve toward a higher level of conscious awareness. It emphasizes psychological suffering and self-awareness as engines of personal growth and moral development.

Thus I came to understand that the feelings I was experiencing did not represent the lowest stage of my life, but rather evidence of inner change. I accepted that the human being is prone to error and needs modesty and humility in order to see things as a whole; that freedom lies in allowing thoughts to come and go without condemning oneself; and that self-knowledge and self-compassion form the foundation of a strong character.